I guess I need to update this festering blog. Festering, but also maturing as well, like an expensive wine or an aged single malt. I can read back on posts I have written over the past five or so years and see how things have developed, from the personal posts about being rejected and suffering homelessness, feeling a sense of being outcast and scapegoated, to my occasional game and book reviews along with some deep, soul-searching poetry too. My best writing is contained here on wordpress – some really personal posts, especially the one about loosing my Mother as well as briefly mentioning my adoption and the effect that had on me (leave alone tracing and finding my natural parents). More I am beginning to realise needs to be written regarding these issues, a much more soul searching post on what it took to find my natural Mother – the complete confusion and emotional highs and lows it involved. It really hit me like an emotional sledgehammer back during the late 1990’s. I had a breakdown from it which I have not mentioned here. But maybe I should make this public, not just to write and understand what happened to me (need to exorcise those demons), but also will hopefully will blame some of the people who made what should have been a beautiful experience into a living hell for me that I believe caused a permanent scar that effected me mentally and socially – and still stays with me nearly fifteen years later. It feels like something is still haunting me from back all that time ago.
This is not meant to be a proper post about anything in particular, its just that I woke up in the early hours of last night and opened my curtains to watch the night sky on my bed with my cat asleep next to me – saw a very bright shooting star and I made a wish – I wished upon a star and then said a prayer (which I do not do that often). Its now just gone 7am and I writing this directly online using wordpress instead of Open Office, which I usually use so I can edit better. But I felt this morning I needed to say something after a restless nights sleep. So, objective for this blog and my writing is to try and update more often before the end of the year – I guess my new resolutions do not work that well (if you read my last post), but maybe just occasionally posting something here might also make me try and do something more worthwhile with what is left of my life (health issues at only 43 – maybe I will tell more later regarding that). So please, if you follow this blog, dont despair! More is most certainly yet to come – and I will attempt to try and make it interesting as well. Thank you.