Time.

Something I wrote, a few words, stuck my mind last evening. These words were ‘…nearly four decades old’. It caused me to ponder over my life for a while, whilst I was sat in my chair nursing a glass of wine with an open notepad and pen in front of me. I decided to write a few notes about my life, trying to summarise what I had experienced in each decade, or at least starting from the 1980’s, the most arguably important decade I had experienced. My life is quite unique in many ways and again I would argue that compared to most of my peers I spent those adolescent years with, it contained more hardship, trials and tribulations than any of my old school friends.

You see, during the mid 1980’s I lost my Mother to a long illness. I believe somewhere on my wordpress blog I wrote about this, so there is no need to retrace old ground and besides it is too upsetting; my memories are sacred of those early years. However, three years later when I was at the tender young age of seventeen my family probably could not deal with my rebellious attitude caused as a symbol of discontent from the total rupture of my life due to my Mother passing, and so, probably for wrong reasons and because we were all pretty distraught, I ended up leaving home. I spent my most important formative years growing up in bedsit-land and it was only when I reached nineteen that I started to form proper friendships, work for a good company and experience a degree of happiness that I never have experienced again since the age of twenty one onwards. That is a long time, no? They say the brightest light burns brightest but goes out quickest, and this I can relate to because I never ever was happier in my whole forty years than when I was dating, fucking good Women, working and having friends that back then I believed I could trust in for those brief two bright years, years for me which were an awakening that I have never ever experienced since.

If I could turn back time, if I could have the opportunity to speak to myself when I was twenty years old, if I could listen to my old young thoughts and try and influence him, if I could make HG Wells’ Time Machine and turn the date back to 1992, then I would. I would probably then kidnap him.

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3 thoughts on “Time.

  1. thought you made some good friends and built good relionships at 18 not 19 and hopefully had some good women then also discovered some good music xx

  2. It is a shame that we understand our hearts so little. That we go from filling them with the trivial to filling them with nothing at all. Nice post ( well apart from the swearing) I hope that you can find a happiness more fulfilling than that when you were 19

  3. Hijaabi in the Rain, thanks for your comment. Our hearts and our feelings are so important to us, I think what we feel in our hearts defines us people; some care, others not so much. To feel love and warmth, to feel happiness and good living, to be honest, gentle and brave and to walk through difficult periods and still retain this honesty, this soul that we have, is character forming material.
    Sorry for swearing, I guess I was trying to empathise a point about how much I loved living and sex with Women when I was 21 years old.

    Thank you for your comment, it really made my day. x

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