Lets reminisce

I guess this is my June blog. My last two posts, when I reminisce about them and re-read, were very personal and emotional and perhaps this was too much information. I have not been that prolific in updating wordpress this year; a book review and two in-depth posts about my life situation is all I have posted in half a year. Perhaps since my marriage separation I have become more introverted, more nostalgic and more thoughtful about my past. I suppose that if anyone had experienced the struggle I have endured since August 2008 then they too would become just slightly more aware of things, more deep and still trying to fit their jigsaw pieces into place hoping to make them fit, to continue building their puzzle of their life. When those pieces do not fit, when they are the wrong shade of blue to fit the right part of the sky for instance, then we start over and search for that right piece to allow us to move ahead.

I set up wordpress a few months after my marriage split. My original intention was just to post a few reviews, short stories, works I had created whilst I studied a creative writing course. I never really was out there looking for loads of people to follow my blog, I just posted things as I saw fit. Since setting up Twitter, it has opened it up to a lot more people; if this is a good thing (for me), and I hope it is, then it is not without regret. However I am fully aware it is easily readable by all and sundry and so maybe this is not so good. But these are the sins and consequences of our technological age. Our internet history is quite an unsecure thing and we must always think twice about what information we care to release on the medium of our digital highway. Our own blogs, for some, are an expression of ourselves; it is a fantastic way of creating an online digital journal, a diary, a method of expressing our creative talent to the world. And what do we gain from this? For some (hopefully not myself) notoriety; for others an ability to be able to express themselves, not only to a small circle of friends or followers, but, at a very base fundamental level, the whole world. It is so interesting how the internet has shaped our lives, our methods of communication for the past decade. And it is still in its infancy.

I am fast approaching my thirty-ninth year (in less than a week from when I post this). Nearly forty years old. Middle Age approaches at a speed that even time travel might envy, or at least it seems this way to me. And yet, I still feel, mentally at least, that I am still in my twenties and this is good, because when I was in my late teens and early twenties I never wanted to become old because when we are young and impressionable we always perceived that those ‘oldies’ were fuddy-duddy, were out of touch with youth culture, with the ‘times’ and suchlike. Perhaps this is partly due to my upbringing, perhaps being part of a subculture when I was young did have an effect on me that still lasts to this day. Maybe also it could be partly due to the fact that when I was a twenty year old youth I had an intense, very sexual relationship with an older woman? I am certain this helped shape me. It is also very interesting that when I was that youthful guy, that grunge loving animal rights freak, I related more to older people than I did with my own age group, and this I believe was mostly due to the fact that since the age of seventeen I had lived on my own. I had to grow up very quickly or go under and hence, my old friends I had whilst I was growing up as a teen, quickly disappeared because they still lived at home and we started not relate as we once did.

Time: some call it a healer, some equally a curse. Whatever way you look at it, it always marches forward; healing for many and a major cause of nostalgia and possibly regret for some.

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6 thoughts on “Lets reminisce

  1. I read your post with a smile on my face, especially the part when you talked about feeling young. I feel the same, as does my husband, but my 14 year old step daughter still thinks we (or should I say he) is an embarrasing old fuddy duddy! Perceptions of a different generation, perhaps?

    Anyway, they say life begins at 40. Seeing as you’re 40 next year it’s not too long to wait. 39’s not so bad, honestly!

  2. Interestingly the age divide only really exists strongly in the Western World and then in some countries more than others. I have also noticed it is breaking down in this country more as social memes move via technology so it depends on how technology ‘young’ you are rather than a physical age boundary.

    Having said that – I am the youngest mother at the school :/ and though I have found friends it does mean that I don’t have things in common with my own age nor with the other mothers which can suck. But then what I’ve found is other areas of interest that overlap not the obvious ones.

    You can’t stop the aging process but you can acknowledge it and not grow ‘old’ instead. Me personally I freaked out on my 20th birthday – I didn’t want to stop being a teenager – but I’m still planning a damn great big party for my 30th next year.

  3. You should write a book someday. Seriously.

    I smiled and knew what you meant when old buddies you grew up with suddenly were still living at home and found it difficult to understand you, and vice versa. I went out of state for college and returned to a city that doesn’t change. All my friends 6 mos later, 2 yrs later, ones I’d want to see when I returned home on breaks to visit, were doing the same thing, thinking the same thing, and it was such a shock to me. But yes, time marches on.

    I know “The Graduate” is one of those popular movies, and perhaps a plot often overdone, but I still think that experience surely had to shape you in some way and I would encourage you to try to write some short stories or book about it someday.

    And I love the way you phrase things. I hope life grows a bit kinder to you after some of the tough punches, but your artistic spirit appears to be flourishing.

    Elaine

  4. Thanks all for your comments. I find, and this is a recent thing, that when I start writing a short story or something, even a blog post, that after so many words, lets say 1k, possibly 2, I ‘loose’ that spark, that creative flow which inspired me to get my ideas down onto paper in the first place. Not sure why this is. So the thought of writing a book really is very very daunting!
    One day though, yes, would love to get something in print.
    Thanks once again for your inspiring, heartfelt comments!

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